I've changed names, and there are new ones, so you can guess who I'm talking about but names don't matter anyway.
I'm tired... I've been moving things for family for 3 weeks now... it's driving me crazy... today was a surprise move... my niece's babys daddy didn't pay their rent like he said, and her preggy self is away with her mother/my oldest sister... So mom, middle sis, little step sis, brother with a broken foot and one of my cousins (one of the good ones) went and moved all her things... When we got there he apparently just left... candles burning and a glass of ice cold water on the counter.... what a douche....
I need to get out of the house... it's been three weeks and I'm dying... Kinda missing Darkness too "Just a little bit" idk why I miss that one but I do, I really love the way he holds me in his sleep... Like I keep every bad dream in the world away being the worlds hottest teddy bear... Only one I ever have to ask for time with.. I'm so used to being asked...
I leave in a week in a half to see my Micah <3 he's taking me to Salem for a break and I'm going to do some photoshooting with Dastardly Dave while I'm there.. I've never been to Salem before.... I'm excited... Plus Micah is well.. Him <3 Him (yes the nickname comes from LKH books, okay so most of them do... I can't help it... tell you one thing though.. were the fuck is my Jean Claude?) I miss his sushi... and cuddles... and understanding, and kisses... I mean I know I get it all the same far away.. but when frustratingly lonely I really miss it.... In you my heart often finds a safehouse..
then I come home and it's friends birthday the day after I get home... so hopefully I can find a way to the party...
on a side note.. Goth Puppy... is totally crazy... she's like the energizer panda... idk where she gets all the energy and she's sooo tiny
I go visit Philly in July to see someone who's net nickname I haven't figured out yet, for great times and relaxation cas I'm POKEY! (don't ask)..... and more photoshoots...
THEN
later that month I'll be seeing Richard.. And yes this one is renamed.. guess away...
hopefully anyway... I'm tired of carrying around his present from last Christmas.... It'll be nice to give it to him... I miss him... I try not to but I do.. I know I can't be the white picket fence and 2.5 kids he wants... But I miss him all the same, it's hard not to when someone understands your soul enough not to try to force you into what they want, but goes on loving you... More distant but loving all the same... I miss when he wasn't distance... I miss the random txts missing me
Life is good, but it's still hard... Finances still suck but not as bad... I still can't make real local friends for shit.. All those capable and loving of me are far away.... And I still CRAVE social situations and being out to the point where 2-3weeks without get me depressed....
and so few things depress me
I've started remembering my dreams again... months and weeks with only occasional ones and hints...
Now.. All I see is zombies, dead ppl, weird shit, confusing one part scenes...........
My sleep is exhausting.. I wake up feeling dead...
on a work note, I <3
despite all the crap with DD that others have tried to pull these last two months.. we're still strong and independent and ALL the models actually get paid despite lies told and mud slung at us... which is more than many places can honestly claim... I'm sad at all the girls who believed the lies... I'm sorry you're not involved enough to think for yourselves and discover the truth, the actual truth.. not what other ppl are feeding you...
I want to make it to NYC sometime this year.. Got two ppls I want to shoot with... One of them to torment ;) and my BFF of like 7 yrs I've never met in person to meet...
I get asked a lot about those I love and the way I love.. You never love two people the same way in your entire life... I'll never love anyone the way I love any of them.. I've never and will never love any of them like one another... Sometimes one reaches your heart, while another pulls at your soul, and one is teasing your mind, and the other just makes you lose control... Someone once told me that they thought polyamory was a series of one night stands... I hope I've taught them differently.. I'm a healer at heart, a teacher, and a listener.. I use my love and body to heal.. I know no differently... Much like Jacqueline Carey's Phedre in the Kushiel series.. Nimaah's way is deep within me... ... Though I never knew someone I understand as well as I do Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake... I love Books... They teach so much if you know what you're looking for.. If you know what you need...
"I'd learned that love could mean many things, & no matter how similar it looked from the outside, inside it could feel very different. Good still, but different"
They say life is what you make of it... I try to make everything of mine.. Even when stuck at home....
for those of you reading this that tweet me... what do you think about Kitty with a monroe piercing, on the right (my right)
it's my latest self debate.....
Have fun when you're in Philly. Plenty to see and do.
ReplyDelete